Clockwork: Part 1 (William Harris)

These past few days have been.... well, I guess... I can deal with it on my own....
My... mother.... died...
She had schizophrenia, and one of them, Barry, I think it was... wanted to kill himself. 
Barry was usually such a nice guy... But I have to remember that it was all his fault. If he hadn't been stronger, if he could have coped for just a few more days... It would have gotten better. Wouldn't it? My mother, Miranda, was always a good person, and she would have talked Barry out of it. Barry wasn't a bad guy, he just wasn't stable. And now he had killed 6 people with a single action. It wasn't enough just to hurt himself, he had to hurt my mother too...
I've been getting over it, slowly, and I've been collecting Mother's things from her room in Cathy's Brook, the institution where she had lived. I still can't understand how Barry did that. It was supposed to be impossible. Some would sue. But I think that would be insulting to my mother, taking advantage of her death to get money. 
I wouldn't do much for the next few days, except maybe watch a few movies, and mess around on Photoshop. I wouldn't really talk to anyone, I just didn't have that many friends, and I didn't pretend to seek them. I wasn't in a relationship, and some would call me lonely, but I like it better this way. This way, I won't have to deal with them leaving, like they always do.
It doesn't matter. Just because I was alone didn't mean that I was miserable. I was connected to almost everything in the world from my computer, but they didn't question me. They didn't pry into my life. They didn't know me, but they were still my friends. They knew me, but not my face. And I am fine with that.
I'll talk to you later.
Goodbye.

Hello again. I suppose you missed me, yes? I have just finished a very important job. And I found something even better. I think I can bring them back. They can be alive again, and with us, and we won't have to hurt anymore. I don't care that I'm writing in my journal like its a person, I'm just too happy today. I finally found it. I found it.
Its mine.
Until later.

I've done a lot since you last heard from me. I mowed the lawn, I moved some furniture, and I finished unpacking Mother's things! I haven't been feeling this good for a while. I brought Mother in for a little bit. She was quiet, and a little withdrawn. I think that she's disappointed that I wasn't there for her birthday. I went online a little bit, and surfed around, not really doing anything, just... sitting, and watching the notifications flash by, and the messages from my friends.
I think that I am going to have a  great day tomorrow. Lets hope so.

Hello.
If you could sigh in a letter, you would hear me now.
It wasn't real. None of it. Looks like I'm as much of a looney bin as my mother was. She would be disappointed in me. I got some medicine yesterday. I took it, and I haven't felt very good since. Its not an antidepressant, that's for sure.
I've been seriously considering suicide. They offered to keep me restrained, since antidepressants interfere with the antipsychotic, for some odd reason. I've taken to just sitting around and doing nothing, and I think that that could be the easiest and fastest way to end this.
I guess I could go on, but what could I do?
I have no options left. I can commit suicide, or at least attempt, or I guess I could live on, and look for the thing that has been missing all of my life.
I guess its up to you, isn't it?